Out of my Control
by sillystarshine
Summary: I love you Natasha. This is something you can't control.


**Out of my Control**

"You're a fucking idiot! You know that right." Natasha exclaims as she leans back against the counter after handing Clint his pain killers along with a glass of water.

He'd finally been released from medical an hour ago and they had been relaxing in Natasha's apartment for oh about five minutes. And Clint was honestly surprised that Natasha had waited that long to have this argument.

"Awe Tasha can't you just say thanks and let it go?" Clint replies after swallowing the pills.

"Thanks you want me to say thank you? For what nearly getting yourself killed again by trying to protect me. I've told you repeatedly to stop doing that. I can…"

Clint cut her off annoyed this wasn't the first time they'd had an argument about this. But something felt different this time around. Normally Natasha was just annoyed that he'd put his life in danger in order to save her claiming to him how did he ever expect her to repay him for the first time if he just kept on saving her again. He would just shake his head smile and tell her she would didn't owe him anything. She never would. But Natasha wasn't annoyed this time around she was angry and Clint needed to know why.

"You can take of yourself I know. Well what did you expect me to do just stand there and watch?! What is this really about Natasha? Why are you so upset this isn't the first and it wont be the last time I risk my life for yours."

"I had everything under control Clint! I can't…I can't…" she sighs upset with herself for not being able to explain why she was so angry with him. For not being able to admit to herself or him that not only could she not live with herself if she knew he'd given his life for her but she also wouldn't be able to live without him and this thought of not being able to live without someone scared her to the core.

"dammit Natasha you can't control everything! As much as you want to there are somethings in life you just can't!"

"I know that Clint! I know i can't control every damn thing! That's why I've asked you a thousand times over to control your impulses and stop putting your life on the line for me." She pauses taking a breath before looking him in the eye. "Please Clint just please stop putting yourself at risk for me."

"I'm sorry Natasha, I just can't do that."

"Why not?!" She asks impatiently.

"Because…I love you." He pauses allowing the words to sink in for both of them. This was far from how he imagined confessing his feelings to his long time partner turned best friend. Call him a romantic if you must but he pictured telling her while sitting on some rooftop looking up at the stars or maybe over some nice dinner. But it was too late to take back what he said, not that he would because no matter the circumstances his feelings for the red-head would always be true. He looks at her for a response but all he see on her face is a mixture of disbelief and shock. He stands up realizing that she needs time to think about what he just told he. As he walks towards the door he repeats himself "I love you, Natasha, and this is something you can't control."

Natasha stares at him speechless. She's never been left speechless she wanted to respond to say something but her brain was still trying to process Clint's statement. So she was left standing there gaping like an idiot as she watched Clint walk out of the apartment.

Natasha was restless that night when she went to bed. She kept trying to convince herself that she shouldn't be in love with Clint. She couldn't love him, because if she did than that would only comprise her. It would give her enemies something they could use against her and Clint what was he thinking loving her? Loving her he was comprising himself; why couldn't he see that his life was worth so much more than hers?

But try as she might there was no denying that she felt something that went deeper than friendship for the archer. And obviously he felt something for her as well; something she thought she'd never deserve with her damaged past.

She knew she'd have to apologize and talk everything out with him eventually, but she wasn't ready to face him just yet. She still needed a few more days to really think about well everything. Those 3 small yet powerful words impacted so much more than one would really think.

Unfortunately life got in the way and when she had finally mustered up the courage to talk to him they both got called for a solo mission. Him to watch over some scientist (thats all Coulson would tell her) and she to take down a weapons smuggling ring in Russia.

She was in the middle of interrogation when the call came. And up until that point she'd been thinking that mission would be done quick meaning she'd be able to find Clint(read hack his mission file to find out where exactly on the globe Fury had placed him) and finally have there overdue conversation about his proclamation of love for her. Yes that was her plan and it had been going perfectly until Coulson called and told her the 3 last words she wanted to hear.

"Barton's been compromised"

* * *

_**A/N: umm just a little drabble i've been working on for the past week or so that was inspired by a gifset done by fromthemiddleoftheocen on tumblr. please review :)**_


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